When your husband is on the other side of the country visiting his son but staying with his ex and you’re a hormonal, emotional pregnant person whose irrational, insecure brain just won’t shut up. Super fun times.
Last Wednesday, to prove my husband wrong, I took a pregnancy test. Within seconds of peeing on that stick, two dark lines appeared.
Not too long ago I decided I was done. No more babies for me. We have 3 together and that’s a great number. I’m into the first year of my undergraduate degree, I am happy with the way work is going, I am beyond stoked with the regular show I’m a part of (they’re a great bunch and it’s wonderful to have a steady paid gig).
There’s another option floating around our house. We haven’t discussed it much, neither of us know what we really want. My history with pregnancy is murky, I’ve had 3 miscarriages so maybe it won’t stick…
So many pros and cons for progressing with our pregnancy and also for not progressing with our pregnancy. Our life is on track, we are in a comfortable routine and a comfortable dynamic within our family. My career and study is progressing and our finances will take a hit.
But a baby. A fresh, new baby that I created with my husband. The chance of conceiving at that time was pretty slim. I’ve always thought I’d have 3 babies. When I had my youngest, at the time, I didn’t think she was my last but then plans changed. Maybe they will change again, maybe this is the universe telling me something. Another journey of firsts, and discovering the little person your child is growing into. Getting to know their character, their personality, watching them grow.
Honestly, I don’t really know what I want. I wish I did, things would be easy. So much more mulling to do. Thinking. Weighing our options.
Life is a wild ride.